Today I’m doing a post that is NOT DIY, but it’s something that is really important to me, and I wanted to address it.
June 1st (today) is World Narcissistic Abuse Awareness Day. This is something that is close to my heart because I myself have been in a narcissistic abusive relationship that I’m continuously trying to heal from. I now suffer from PTSD, and that is something I deal with on a daily basis.
A lot of people don’t really understand what narcissistic abuse is. A narcissist isn’t someone who just cares about their looks, or their appearance; it goes much deeper then that. I wanted to do this post to bring awareness, and help people to understand what it really is.
Here are some signs that someone might be in a narcissistic relationship:
*In the beginning of the relationship, they were very charming and very quick to fall in love with you, but it quickly fades. They no longer attempt to try to make you feel special, and often criticize your appearance, and things that you do, so your self esteem starts to suffer, and you start to believe you can’t do any better.
*They have an over inflated self esteem, and think that everyone is in love with them.
*They will always turn the conversation towards themselves. It is impossible for them to listen to others, and hear what they are saying. They will turn the conversation to be about them.
*They are not capable of feeling empathy. If you are sick, or hurting, or sad, they will never be there to comfort you. They will not be supportive.
*They will only help someone if it benefits them. They will never do anything where they sacrifice anything for nothing in return.
*They get angry very easily, over things you may think are trivial.
*If you catch them in lies, they will continue to lie to cover up the lies. They will never admit to lying.
*They will always play the victim. It is never their fault.
*They are very controlling. They do not want you to have any friends or family in their life. They want you to rely solely upon them.
*They project a false image to others. They always want to present a best version of themselves, so they will lie to others and make up accomplishments to feel more important.
*They often use guilt to manipulate people into doing what they want.
*They feel entitled to everything, and often take advantage of their significant other financially and sexually.
I was often put down, told I’m fat, not good enough, and constantly told I’m not doing things right around the house. Someone once told me recently that I couldn’t call that relationship abuse because I “never got hit.” That is not true, and that is why thousands of narcissistic abuse victims stay silent, and stay in abusive relationships. Emotional abuse is abuse, and that’s why we use the hashtag #ifmywoundswerevisible on this day.
It is often VERY difficult, almost impossible, for a narcissistic abuse victim to leave their abusive partner. This is because being with a narcissist creates a “trauma bond” and results in a cycle of abuse.
I am involved in different support groups with others that have gone through similar situations as myself, and they wanted to share a little about what they go through for this post:
“I was with my ex for 21 years and he just recently was convicted for 3 counts of assault (against me)
The hardest part is that he was physical very early on and not everyone will agree with me but I found that bruises and bones healed but the words stay forever.. he used to call me princess.. not in a good way like I needed to be catered to .. and he rarely did anything for me and if I asked it would never get done .. he called me a fat cow .. I’m not but I feel that way .. to the point where if I play a game and my icon is a cartoon cow I can’t play it anymore .. he would tell me that I’m crazy to the point where I wondered if I was .. if he said something wrong by mistake it would always be my fault .. he never had to remember anything because that was my job and then when someone would question him on why a grown man didn’t know his own phone number he would turn it on me that it was my fault .. I have PTSD and sadly it’s not from getting hit .. it’s from being woken up in the middle of the night and getting screamed at for some infraction that happened anywhere from that day to a month previous.. from being trapped in a car and taken on long rides where I had to listen to hours of how horrible a person I was without being able to defend myself or say anything other than ” I’m sorry I made you do ….” I could go on forever..”
“My ex repeatedly told me he couldn’t live without me at the start of our relationship. He threatened to kill himself and kidnap the kids when I wanted to divorce him, then threw a major fit banging his head on a door and ripping it off the hinges. Next he forced a loaded gun in my hand begging me to shoot him. He never beat me, but I was so terrified of him and didn’t leave for fear of how he would react. Every time I wanted to leave, he threatened to take the kids away from me or kill himself. A year later the abuse became more physical. I left with my children and belongings while he was at work and haven’t seen him since.”
Thank you for sharing your stories.
If you would like to learn more about this day, please visit www.wnaad.com.